The ultrasound report reads that the tumor mass has doubled in size in the last year and is now spreading through the ducts of my right breast. I’m not surprised given the year I’ve had, just not wanting to be here. It’s been a combination of six years of suffocating financial debt, my exhausting cancer regime and a broken heart that has left me feeling so incomplete, like an amputee missing arms. I’ve always felt that my cancer is fifty percent emotional and with the deep depression I’ve been under, it was only a matter of time and testing to show the blackness in me manifested as cancer, metastasizing.
As fate would have it, I had this test a couple days before I was to see my family, go with my 92 year old Grandmother on a cruise. No one wants to tell your parents again that there’s conclusive evidence of cancer and that there’s a good possibility they might outlive you. I had my dearest friend deliver the blow and from the minute I got off the plane, my father was yelling, no, screaming at me. I understand how triply painful this is for him, having lost both his mother and sister to breast cancer. His sister had mastectomies, chemo, radiation, lived for twenty years past the original diagnosis and became a juicing fanatic, at times literally orange from all the carrot juice. My path of alternative medicine brings up one conclusion for him, that I’ll be dead soon, just like her. He may be right and my lack of attachment to this body, this life doesn’t make it any easier for anyone, except me, choosing to be a guinea pig, hoping others can learn and live from my research and documentation.
This year was the pinnacle of my financial ruin and I took it as an opportunity to develop my Inexpensive, Do It Yourself(DIY) Protocol. This focused on digestive health at the beginning of the year with a cleanse that Dr. Bernard Jensen recommended, investing in a colema board otherwise known as a home colonic unit. There’s a couple blogs about the details of this. My discipline around food and sugar started to wane at times though my willpower quite firm at others. I’ve been in therapy trying to process losing the love of my life though my depression seemed to only grow more vast, darker. I’ve searched on Medicaid to find a doctor to help me hormonally, feeling it connected to my cancer and emotional state. This is an aspect of Dr. Stanislaw Burzynski’s work with antineoplastons that resonated with me as a cure for cancer and is described in the inspiring book by Suzanne Somers, “Knockout”. I have daydreamed of Ms. Somers becoming an executive producer of the “the ME film”, participating in filming me going to Burzynski’s clinic in Houston and being cured. I know I can’t keep going like this much longer.
Much like my first diagnosis over six years ago, my parents wanted me to have surgery back east and were willing to pay for the best doctor. I’ve spoken with so many women at this time as the founder/director of Breast Wishes Fund and I wish I felt a mastectomy would cure me of my cancer as some of them feel it has. I just don’t and feel that there is possibly a stem cell though the majority of the cancer is systemic and I have to cure my whole body as well as my heart, mind and soul. First though, I must feel the will to live.
The next morning I went to my Dad and pleaded. “Is there a way we can talk about this? I know how difficult it is for you. do you think you could write me your thoughts? I really want this to be a dialogue, for you to be involved and for there to be healing for all of us.” He said “No, I don’t want anything to do with it, you’re going to do what you want anyway. Have you talked with your mother today?” Mom walks in the room and with the winning lottery ticket says, “We’re going to pay off your debt and any treatment we can support medically, our preference being surgery though it’s your decision.” I cried for three days straight, thanking them with gratitude I have never known, thanking God for answering my prayers. This couple weeks I have started to process what I can only describe as PTSD, feeling as if I have just found out I get to come home from war. Even now as I so simply go online and pay off the credit cards, one for over $10,000 that I’ve been chipping away at for 6 years, I can’t believe that I will start 2012 debt free other than my reasonable house payments. It is truly a gift from God, a rebirth from those who first birthed me and incentive to try and stick around for a few more decades. Hallelujah!!!
That being said, I hope this to be the last time I write the details of my DIY cancer protocol, my goal to beat the cancer back into remission so I can buy some time to shop around for the cure of my choice. I feel this is the first time the cancer spreading has been documented though not the first time it’s happened. At this time, Burzynski’s antineoplastons cure for breast cancer was only a clinical trial and is not currently approved by the FDA, thus illegal. He does offer gene targeted therapies which given my family history, may be helpful though I’m not sold. I’m also looking at a more vaccine oriented therapy in Israel where I think the tumor cells are taken out and given killer t-cells or the like and reinjected creating an unfriendly environment for cancer and bolstering good cells. Don’t quote me on that though. I’m gathering questions for a consultation with Ralph Moss who’s unbiased research on cancer has inspired me. I welcome suggestions from anyone reading this.
My first line of defense and offense is food, detoxification, supplementation and Iscador Mali (European Mistletoe) injections. I refer y’all to Breast Wishes’s partner, Sat Dharam Kaur’s lists that are at the end of this blog. I’m enthusiastically rereading her phenomenal book, “The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Breast Cancer”. I’ve been fighting a deep scourge of a cold though at times question if it is cancer death detox because some of what is coming out of me almost looks like tissue. Here’s what this week has looked like:
Iscador Mali injections
I have three boxes of the most potent strength and am stepping up the dosages, thinking of it as my healthy chemo. I injected the first box every other day, this week I am injecting myself every day and am thinking of taking a week off and following up with the last box. I even injected in my breast vs. my belly for more direct contact. Took an MRI yesterday so we’ll see if anything’s changed for better in the past couple weeks from this strategy.
Diatomaceous earth and triphala to help physically remove toxins, cancer death which I believe is mucus, pus like in nature. Important to keep the bowels moving very well and will take home colonics as necessary.
Vitamins without iron or copper.
- Chlorophyll in water
- Wheatgrass as often as possible
- Green smoothies with dark leafy greens, kombucha tea, kelp, grass powders, sprouted flax or chia seeds, a low glycemic fruit, stevia, fresh grated turmeric and ginger root. Sometimes some sprouted almonds.
- Miso, love these boutique brands, trying a three year aged one now of Dandelion/Leek
- Triple doses of vitamin C throughout the day
- Mushroom extracts in pill form
- 5000 iu of vitamin D3
- Lymphatonic by Herbs Etc.
- A few Brazil nuts for selenium
- Flower essences to calm my mind
- Dry lymphatic brushing in the morning followed by 20 minutes in the infrared sauna to induce sweating. At night I frequently take a bath in Epsom salt and have been using the essential oils lavender and palmarosa.
- Qi Gong and exercise
- Limited exposure to EMF’s, anything radioactive. I am opting for an MRI, ultrasound and thermogram versus a Petscan/CT or xrays to track the cancer at this time
- Green tea, chickweed, oatstraw, nettle, red roobis, red clover
- Seasonal ayurvedic masala, this month’s includes cumin, coriander, cardamom, poppy seeds, ginger and turmeric, roasted and ground
- Lots of clean water
I’m sprouting most grains and legumes I eat and either steaming them or cooking at a very low temperature to maintain their enzymes. I’ve been exploring raw foods more and the wonderful though expensive products available that have sprouted seeds. I hope to get a powerful blender and am considering a dehydrator so I may make some of these delights my self. I’ve decided to be vegan for a time, reading that milk products can exacerbate cancers. I made a delicious dressing with an avocado, the masala, apple cider vinegar, fresh grated turmeric and ginger, hemp seed oil, raw garlic which I coated lightly steamed broccoli, fresh seaweed mix and a mix of kales with dandelion greens. For dessert I had a couple slices of lightly toasted manna bread, a bread with all sprouted grains that I think is dehydrated with some coconut butter on top. When I got hungry later, I had a pomegranate and an orange.
I’ve dramatically increased my nightly dosage of melatonin to @ 20mg for a time. Dr. Kaur has a chart of the phases and lifespan of cancer growth and melatonin is very effective in killing it in one of these aspects. I’ve been sleep deprived for months now too and just trying to force my self to relax and sleep as much as possible.
Medical marijuana sometimes to help with the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion and pain of detoxification. I’d like to get a good vaporizer to limit the smoke and just benefit from the THC. I don’t take any other drugs and have stayed away from pharmaceuticals for years now, replacing with homeopathic, flower essences of addressing the root of the discomfort to illeviate the symptoms. I stay away from chemicals for the house or body products with parabens or phthalates.
I’ll be starting treatment with an experienced homeopathic practitioner. I’ve always been interested in case histories of this modality and cancer.
I had an traditional Chinese acupuncture treatment to help with these flu like symptoms and to help balance my whole body and am taking prescribed herbs for mucus and energy levels.